You Still Believe In Me

It's been a really long time since I last blogged. I miss it. But then every time I come on here to blog about something, I can't think of anything to say... the times when I have something to say, I'm never near a computer or in a position where I could blog.

Okay, how 'bout some awesome song lyrics. As in, 'awesome song' lyrics. Not awesome 'song lyrics'.

You Still Believe In Me

by the Beach Boys

I know perfectly well
I'm not where I should be
I've been very aware
You've been patient with me

Every time we break up
You bring back your love to me
And after all I've done to you
How can it be
You still believe in me

I try hard to be more
What you want me to be
But I can't help how I act
When you're not here with me

I try hard to be strong
But sometimes I fail myself
And after all I've promised you
So faithfully
You still believe in me
I wanna cry

I love the Beach Boys. They're so awesome. Just listen to the song.

They're just so good. I mean, just look at this album art.

Look at this old school photog. It's so good!!!

Traditional and yet SO effective!!!

 

 

 

Seriously, these photos are all so sweet. Not to mention Don't Worry Baby is one of my all time favourite songs. It's just so... good!!! Sorry, I keep using triple exclamation points, hey.

It just occurred to me how I'm not talking to anybody. As far as I know, no one reads my blog, and yet I go on talking and telling like I'm actually conversing with someone or advising someone on music or something. I don't know. Sounds kinda dumb.

I've always had this funny wish to be like, a famous blogger, but I guess the problem with that is that I'm not all that interesting. I just kinda... talk about crap, hey. It's like... sometimes I used to blog just 'cause I felt like I should, and so drivel came out and ended up on my blog being dead boring... Maybe I should find a purpose for my blog. You know, review books or movies or cds or... something. I don't know. People do that, right? I don't know. I guess I should find something to do. I like blogging, but what's the point if I'm gonna be boring and no one's going to read it?

Anyway. Hope you like the song. Listen to it again, just for good measure.

Mr. B

My boyfriend's the best.
Seriously. He's like, the best.
I don't know how to explain it. He understands me, which is a start... and it's strange, because that's... rare, I guess is the word. Not many people do understand me, and I didn't expect to find someone like him. Not now. As in, at this point in my life. It's weird.

But I like it. Good timing God.
And thank you.

Photograph

School photos today. Hooray. Who doesn't love school photos, ey?

So, I've been observing how everyone cares so much about what they look like for photos. It's pretty funny. Everyone did their hair all special (okay, I admit, including me) and one of my friends has been getting all annoyed as people draw on her. (She brings it upon herself, really.) Even yesterday, at our Athletics Day, everyone was worried about getting sunburnt (yes, also me) so that they didn't look funny in their photo today. The forward thinking to a simple photo is pretty funny. But anyway, it's time for photos. So I'm off.

Hope my hair looks okay.

Drama Period 4

Home.

What makes a home? Well, to me, it's not particularly a phsyical place, but then, maybe it is, more than I realise.

Because when I'm away, overseas, not here, I feel 'homesick'. I want to be here, and I'm not. I miss it here. Is this home? This physical place of home? I miss my bed, and my pillow and the smell of my room. I miss it. I miss it now, and I'm only at school. I'll be 'home' this afternoon, and I miss it. Sure, I miss people too, but right now, that's not what I'm longing for. I long for my home. My bed, my room, the warm smells, the pleasant light. I don't know what home is. I don't know where it is.

Home...

Roswell

Sometimes I miss the old days. You know, back when homework was like, three pages of Maths and English and Science altogether. Back when ABC was the best thing ever, and boys were just stupid and totally not worth it. (Okay, I admit it, I've never really felt that way about boys...)

But you know, back when you could sit around and watch stuff all day and you wouldn't get in trouble for not doing any housework or homework or... you know, other stuff that you have to do now.

Back when I thought you weren't allowed to kiss till you're married and that 'crap' was a terrible swear word.

Back when life was easy, simple. Easier than this anyway. Before things got hard, confusing, so overloaded... back when I didn't get distracted from going to bed by my blog, just 'cause I feel like I have to express myself.

Back when I wasn't a teenager and I didn't have all these crappy (I know, I said a swear) emotions going on.

Back when a TV show couldn't upset my whole life perspective on a bad day.

Don't you hate it when main characters die? And then everything just sucks for a while? And then like, you wait for it all to turn great, but it takes forever.

Yeah. Me too.

I'm gonna go read Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy: Mostly Harmless now.

Hallelujah

Love is strange, isn't it?

I mean, the emotion seems so simple, so easy, like, this is how I feel and that's that. But the action. The action is much harder. Because it forms this whole other LEVEL of Love (the emotion) which ends up making things just hurt an awful lot. Because you hurt when they hurt, and sometimes that's a lot, especially if you Love a lot of people that deeply, that carefully. There are so many people in my life that make me hurt when they hurt (not that it's their fault) because I Love them. I really, truly Love them. But I know that that's not always enough... as a human, sometimes I mess up HUGELY. I just really suck sometimes.

So what is Love then?

I'm stumped. Anyone?

Episode V

Try not. Do or do not. There is no 'try'.
-Yoda

My sister and I have been watching Star Wars in the last few weeks, and we've finally made it to the original trilogy. We've been amazed at how much better the older movies are, despite the crap graphics and ridiculous nature of the films. Yoda, especially, has been ruined in the newer films in the series, and his tendency to speak backwards sentences has been turned into a comic and ridiculous joke. In the old movies, however, he spouts many wise sayings just like the one above, and he is actually the wise character they try to make him out to be in the newer films.

It's such a shame what George Lucas has done to this fantastic character. I miss the old Yoda and the old George Lucas. Who's with me?
S

I'm Behind On Life

Things have been interesting lately. I've been quite sick. It hasn't exactly been fuuuuun. At least, that's not the word I would use... but you know, it's happened. I'm still not better, and I'm not really sure what's wrong. I had the symptoms of a cold for the first two weeks, and now my throat is ridiculously sore after the fashion of something like tonsilitis or possibly Glandular fever or something, which I had ruled off my list due to the fact that I haven't had a fever... until last night, I suspect. And then continued into today. I'm okay now (besides the hurting throat) but I was rather feverish earlier today, and I'm a bit worried. Will have to go to the doctor and get myself cheeeeecked out soon... because I really just wanna get better, soon.
Anyway, right now, it's bedtime. So here I go. Off to bed, to try and get some sleep that won't revive me in the least (one of the reasons I'm afraid of Glandular fever).

Would Suck Without You...

Life sucks. And then you die.

Yep.

My shoes are sandy.

T-t-t...

It's never me, is it?

Ok, maybe I'm just being selfish. I don't know.

Good

It's like... it's like, um...therapy.
This is therapy. That is a good word. You know what therapy is good for? Getting things off your mind. And maybe this is a little different than normal. Maybe I'm taking a different approach. I'm allowed though. It's my life.

It frustrates me when people act like I can't make my own decisions. Like I don't know what I'm doing. I know more about my life than they do, so what business do they have telling me how I'm supposed to live my life? It's just so stupid! And everybody's always saying, "You should talk about it." I don't wanna bloody talk about it! That only makes it WORSE! That's the whole point! Not talking about it is the whole point! It's crap because I don't want to deal with it, which means not thinking about it, which means not talking about it.
GET IT?

For a Christmas Auld Langsyne?

Hey, so I was reading all my past (hilarious) MySpace blogs and laughing my head off at some of the things I had come up with: so great.

I don't even know where they came from. I swear I must have been a super weirdo back in the auld days.

Speaking of auld, I just heard (and I know I've heard it before, but I hadn't realised what it was before) a Christmas song on Gloria Estefan's Christmas album called For a Christmas Auld Langsyne. And it was like, a Christmasy version of the song, For Auld Langsyne. Weird, right? Totally weird.

Hey, I think I just realised that I'm still the same as before (if a little less strange), I just haven't... I don't know, let myself write like this in a while. I feel like blogs should maybe be more concentrated, like... I don't know, like people I know who write blogs. They're all decidedly about something. But my blogs aren't about anything. I guess that's why, for a while, they got to be... not like me. They were different, and like, concentrated. About one thing. But I don't really feel like that's my thing.

So I hope you don't mind that I'm sticking to the whole, "Write a blog about whatever strikes you, write it as it comes," kinda thing. 'Cause, you know, I like it. It kind of makes me feel... calm. Better somehow. It's good.
Anyway...
SRL

The Contest

I love Christmas time. I love it. It's my favourite time of year. All the beautiful decorations and the amazing feeling of buying people things you know they'll just love. I can't wait. And the community feeling. I love it.

After all, there's only 18 more sleeps till Christmas.

'Tis the Season

Is anyone else as ready for Christmas as I am!? I'm sitting here (in our Private Study room), listening to Christmas music from the Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack and wishing it was Christmas already! I'm so ready for it! The year feels like it should be over already! Gosh! *Sigh.* Ok, four more weeks and it'll be Christmas time. Eeeeee! I can't wait!!!!

After all, there's only 42 sleeps till Christmas...

In Gauge Meant

*Big sigh.*
Engagement Parties are hard. I mean, I'm glad my sister's getting married and everything, and I'm so happy for her. But I feel like I've been working non-stop all week. And I know that my mum (and my sister) would say that that's ridiculous, and that I've hardly done any work at all and all that. But seriously. I'm tired. Really, really tired. And I have a non-stop headache. Consistent. Constantly. It's only a little bit frustrating, waking up in the morning, sitting up in bed and discovering, "Oh, right, headache still here." Hand to head, wince, get out of bed anyway, to be confronted with more work.

Ok, the thing is, this happens. When we have parties, this happens. And we have parties. We have a really party-friendly house. It's just the way our house is. So we have parties. And this stuff happens. But I just finished Year 11, right, last Friday. And, granted the year wasn't as long as it normally is, but it was long enough, and busy enough, that I was really relieved to have a week off to relax. But there's been minimal relaxation time. And yes, I know my mum is incapacitated at the moment, due to surgery, but what about my entire life?

See, I'm starting Year 12 next Wednesday. And to be honest, I'm not really looking forward to it. After we were lectured at, about how we should be doing three hours of homework a night, five nights a week in Year 12, and how we should fit in 36 hours of homework over the summer (yeah, sure, 36 hours spread of 6 weeks, no big deal, right? That's more hours than are in an entire day), the summer which I always thought was supposed to be a break from school: sorry, my bad.

When do I get a break?! When do I get to just... I don't know. Chill for two seconds without someone screaming at me to do something?

I can't do it anymore. I'm drained. I'm done. I'm just... dead. I cannot do it anymore.

I Belong to You

Wow. The last five months have been a super journey, and I haven't even been documenting them. How stupid is that! Wow, remind me to document the next year of my life... it's gonna be a big one.
So. I finished Year 11 last Friday. Or, well, I guess I actually finished on Wednesday, when I finished all my exams, but my last day of being in Year 11 was last Friday. And I have to say, it feels good to have that over and done with.
With Year 12 looming on the horizon, which is getting closer and closer (it's actually next Wednesday, as we're starting the year early to get more work done), I feel like maybe it's all just a bit too much. It's not the only thing I'm dealing with right now... in fact, it's not even the most important thing I'm dealing with right now. But I am dealing with it, or I will be in a week.
And what else can I do? Quit school? Not an option. So, I guess I'll just deal.

The thing is, the great thing is, I'm not alone. And God says He won't ever give us more than we can handle, with His help. So...

I'll deal.

P.S. OmigoshmysisterisgettingmarriedandIcannotwaittilltheweddingeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

I don't even EAT PORK!

Mood: Frustrated - Rant
Listening to: D.A.N.C.E by Justice
Reading: Princess Diaries: Ten out of Ten
Watching: Once
Playing/Singing: Concone Opus 9 Study 3
Eating: Nerds
Drinking: Water

Wow. I know. It's been a long time.
I've been quarantined. For the Swine Flu.
Yeah. A friend of mine caught it. And so now I have to stay home for seven days. And it's my birthday tomorrow.
Wow. Worst. Birthday. Ever.
I can't even LEAVE MY HOUSE! I just have to SIT HERE for seven days, while my friends (those who weren't also quarantined) are doing exams and having fun hanging out with PEOPLE! GOSH! I HATE THE SWINE FLU!!!!!! It SUCKS! Seriously.
Anyway.
Rant over.
So it's my Birthday tomorrow (for which, by the way, I can't leave my HOUSE!). I'm turning 17. What do I have to say about being 17?
Well, just that, for some reason, it sounds a LOT older than 16.
And also: I am exactly like Mia Thermopolis. Which is weird. As.

I've got nothing to say...

Mood: pain
Listening to: Steer by Missy Higgins
Reading: Dark Lover by J. R. Ward
Watching: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Playing: Breathe by Taylor Swift
Eating: Veggies and bread
Drinking: Chamomile tea

What is it with headaches and their ability to incapacitate you? I mean, that's not a very nice thing to do, is it?

I had Deb practice after school today. It was... I don't know. I had a headache, so I probably didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do... it was... tedious.

The thing is, I actually don't have anything to say. I just wanted to say... well, something. I felt like blogging... and yet, there's nothing to say...

Where, O Death, is thy sting?

There's never enough time for anything! Why is that? I just find my time disappearing down the drain before I can even register that it's there, before I can even do something with it. I planned to spend all day today doing my English homework and then my History essay and then, if I had time, my Psychology work. But I haven't done any of that. I mean, granted I did sort of work on homework all day, being on our Philosophy wiki, which sort of counts, but I just can't get motivated to do what I'm supposed to do! My work! I'm so behind and the weekend was when I was supposed to catch up. Last weekend, the weekend before that... and I just keep doing other things. I just keep doing everything else except my homework.
*Sigh.* I need to go have a shower.
S

Steer

You've been played at a game

Called remembering your name

And you stuffed it up

But the search ends here

Where the night is totally clear

And your heart is fierce

So now you finally know

That you control where you go

You can steer

Oh

And get out of the box

And step into the clear

Oh

'Cause now you finally know

You can steer

Why does everyone bother about... everything? I mean, I was thinking today, I used to get so up in arms about the littlest, stupidest things. And you know, sometimes I react to them in my mind now, but I don't bother saying anything out loud, I don't bother being serious about it. It's like I've suddenly opened my eyes, and realised that I'm just a baby, and I don't know anything and everything I thought was important is nothing.

Even this, right now. Me sitting here wasting my time writing a blog about all of this feels so pointless to me. And I just don't understand my past self. How did I look at anything and see it as important and worth my time. I feel like my whole life has been wasted on nonsense and uselessness.

"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief."

-Solomon

Ecclesiastes :18