What are you doing New Years, New Years Eve?

It's almost the New Year...

Merry Belated Christmas everyone.

I got a DS. And a Camera. A Camera!!!
I'm going to take lots of photos! I'm so excited.
Well... I hope everyone had a good year and a good Christmas.

"I look into the eyes of love..."

I don't know. I don't know! Gosh! I DON'T KNOW!
I can't stand this. It's like... I just... I need to DO something. More than this. MORE!

Life is so... crap sometimes.

Clinics Run by the Criminally Insane?

"Are we human, or are we denser?"

Hmm. What is a human? I mean, what's the definition? Apparently unborn babies aren't human...

Dr. Seuss said, "A person's a person, no matter how small."

But what's a person?

What makes an unborn baby not a person, or not a human? I mean... it's just, how can people bare to kill something - someone - so utterly helpless!?

Message in a Bottle

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Ok, I'm ok. Just a little... stressed out is all.
Anyone up for giving me a massage? Any kind, I don't mind. A back one, a foot one, a head one... whatever you're up for...

How many people...

Ok, well... um, I'm really annoyed.

My friends all think I'm evil, because John's told them things that aren't true! I told him the truth about everything and he just took it upon himself to assume I was lying! That is not fair!!

What am I supposed to do?! I was honest with him and he just pretended like everything I said was a lie... what more can I do other than tell him the truth?! I've already tried that!

God help.

Twist and Shout!!!

I know it hasn't been long since I posted my last blog... but I just had to talk.

I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing. I'm sure I did the right thing.

*Deep breath.*

So, it's kind of like, over. With John.
And I know I've hardly even mentioned him... but I've been reading my old MySpace blogs and I realised how open I used to be and how good it felt... and I wanted to kind of return to that style of bloggingness. Rather than all the cryptic crap, all the time. Obviously, that crops up from time to time, because... well, because sometimes I just feel like that.

But I think I was going out of my way to be mysterious and kind of cool... but that's not what blogging is about, and I used to know that! How did I ever forget?!

I miss venting.

So, John. It just wasn't... right. And, I mean, I haven't even told my parents. I haven't told most of my friends. I've told... well, my brother, and four of my friends. That's like, it. Wait, like, five. And, well, this is huge. I'm not sure I want to tell people though. I mean, I suppose this is kind of telling people... if people even read this.
But you know. I mean telling people. In person. Which is how I'd have to talk to the parentals about it. Not that they'd be super worried... but you know... yeah, look, I don't even know.
*Lets out breath I've been holding for four months.*

I feel much better now.

Free fallin' now I'm free fallin' now I'm...

Ahhh.....

I can breathe again.

Free Fallin'

She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too

It's a long day living in reseda
There's a freeway runnin' through the yard
And I'm a bad boy 'cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin her heart

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

All the vampires walkin' through the valley
Move west down ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin', now I'm
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin', now I'm

I wanna glide down over mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin'
Gonna leave this world for a while

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

So, I do. I am.

So what?

Crystalite

"People just liked it better that way!"

Do you think people look out for themselves first, even when they act like you're more important? Should we trust people when they tell us things about us that we hadn't realised? Did we not realise because we're so self-critical, or because it's not true?

Barack...

I like him.
Really, I do.
It's not the end of the world.
Well, at least, I hope not.

Welcome to Hollywood

Yo.
Lives are precious. Did you know?
Well now you do.

Shining Brow

I love my friends so much it gives me a headache. And makes me feel sick. I feel like Elva. I care so much, I'm sick because of it.

"Only the combined misery of all the men, women, and children within a mile, battering at me like a midnight storm."

You are you. Now isn't that pleasant?

I'm so confused. I don't even know what my own thoughts mean anymore.

One thing seems so clear one moment and the next it's so infinitely complicated that I can't even let it cross my mind without getting a headache.

Other things that used to give me butterflies now give me moths. Make me feel sick. Physically sick to my stomach. And sometimes I just don't believe my past self.

I think that this is the first blog in a while that hasn't been completely nonsensical... Depending on how you look at it I suppose.

There's a cross on the side of the road...

We live, we love
We forgive and never give up
'Cause the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love.

...oh, the stuff you would learn! The most wonderful stuff!

I've been roaming around, always looking down at all I see.
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach.
You know that I could Use Somebody.
You know that I could Use Somebody.

Someone like you, and all you know and how you speak.
Countless lovers, under cover of the street.
You know that I could Use Somebody.
You know that I could Use Somebody.
Someone like you.

All in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep.
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat.
I hope it's gonna make you notice,
I hope it's gonna make you notice,
Someone like me!
Someone like me!
Someone like me, somebody!

Someone like you, somebody!
Someone like you, somebody!
Someone like you, somebody!

I've been roaming around,
Always looking down
At all I see.

Pooh Bear, Winnie the Pooh Bear!

My brother is a slugabed.

Mind Your Ps and Qs.

Question:
If you're 'together' are you dating? Or are you boyfriend and girlfriend? Or are you just 'together'?
(I would love it if whoever reads this would answer this question for me as they see fit.)

Archery

Dear Bloggy Blog Blog,
I have another, amazingly cute/ugly nephew! His name is Archer Patrick Loftis, and he makes the funniest faces!
I wish I could show you some photos. But I don't have any.

I Saw Three Ships...

All of the sudden, I feel the passion to start blogging regularly again, whether I have the time or not. You know, making time for it like I used to. It lets me be me. I mean, I'm not trying to hide anything when I blog, I'm just writing what comes to my head. And that's exactly the kind of vent I need. And that's why I've been so stressed in the last few months and so tense about things. Because I've had no way to vent my thoughts and they've all been bottling up in me. So from now on I'll make time to blog. Yeah?
Well, hopefully.

On another note, I'm really happy. But at the same time, I'm really scared. How does that work? I don't know. Ask me in a couple months and I'll tell you. But not now.

I think he might be sick of me...
Whoops. *Sigh.* That would suck.
Saralisa

I was thinking, overthinking...

So there's this total point of confusion (the fine line between disorganisation and insanity (concerning the thoughts) in case you didn't know) where I'm standing now. And it's... Interesting. You know? Kind of exciting. I don't know what will happen just around the corner. What decisions will I make? Will they be the right ones or the wrong ones? What will the consequences be? And will everything be completely screwed because I'm in a high state of confusion?

Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see. And that, my friend, is the fun of it all. Where's the adventure in life if no one ever takes risks? But where's the maturity in life if people do? Choices. Wow. We make choices every moment of our lives. Whether we'll take the next step, type the next word, breathe our next breath. It's a choice. No matter how much people pretend they have no say over some things... It's all a choice.

Life is full of choices... No one ever mentions fear.

Fear is part of the right now. I think we all fear something, all of the time. That we'll do the wrong thing, take the wrong turn... Make the wrong decision. But maybe... Maybe it's time we stopped being afraid. Maybe we need to wise up and, instead of being afraid, don't rush into anything. So we don't have time to be afraid... In the opposite sense. We'll think about it so much that we won't need to be afraid anymore.

I know this isn't making much sense to you all right now but... Like I said, I'm confused. But I think the best cure for Confusion is... Overthinking actually.
(So there, Mr. You're-Such-An-Over-Thinker! *Sticks out tongue at you.*)

The Lake District

Wow. I haven't posted in a long time. I feel sort of... Detached from everything. It's weird. I mean, a friend of mine reminded me the other day that I haven't posted in yonks, and to be honest it's just because I've been so busy I've hardly been on the Internet...

Aren't these just beautiful. Maybe one day I'll live here... Maybe, one day.

Brom...

A character in my book died... I knew he was going to because I've read it before... But still... It was sad. I didn't cry. I got a little teary but that was a combined effort of the book, the music and the time of night at which the character died.
Books are so morbid these days.
My books will be extra morbid, me being the angst monster and all.

"Life's not about what's Better Than"

Today I met a really good looking guy named Anthony. He seemed nice.

By then I'll bet you'll be gone...

So one by one they all left her. Alone, sitting there, wondering what she would do with herself. And they didn't give her hardly a thought nor did they notice one bit how much she dearly wished them to stay. For as it is often said, people think often only of themselves. And of course, this was exactly what she was doing at that very moment. She was always on her own mind. Her concerns, her misfortunes, her trials, troubles, tribulations, her well-being. She was quite self-centred if one stopped to think of it. But no one did, because everyone else was, of course, busy being just as self-centred as she was. As they left, one by one, she waved goodbye and sighed, settling herself down on the couch, waiting for the next to leave and waiting to get back up off the couch to wave and say goodbye to them when they did.

And of course, they weren't everlasting and before long they were all gone and she really was sitting on that couch all alone, wondering when the first of them would come back, thinking only of what he or she would like to eat or drink and not in the least about how she might have been while they were gone. And in the end she didn't mind so much because she was just as self-centred as they, and she understood thinking that there was a need to look after oneself.

Suspended...

Sometimes I feel like falling. Today... Today I'm still. I'm just sort of sitting in the air, waiting for the next day that I feel like falling, so that I can finish my fall from a couple days ago.
Does that make sense?
Not much.
I wonder, does anyone understand me as well as I understand myself? (God of course, but I didn't mean Him.)

Macbeth weak, Lady Macbeth strong...

I just did an exam... An English exam. Exams... I think all they do is test how good we are at remembering things... Because if you just memorise everything in your study then all you're doing in your exam is reciting (on paper) what you've memorised... You don't necessarily understand anything you're writing...
So why exams? You'd think they'd be able to find some other, better way of assessing us...

Write you...

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you "need one"

Why not? I mean, what's so wrong with doing things for people when they ask us to? I mean, isn't that what serving God is all about? Doing things for people because they'll feel great if we do? Yet people are so insistent on going against everything everyone asks them to do.

Crying into the Pond

So I'm sitting here at my brother's house and wondering what the next 3 hours will be like... Sitting around, by myself, watching movies and... Biding my time... Until I can go home, have a shower (I may consider skipping this step) and climb into Good Ol' Bed.

On another note, I've almost finished my Commerce assignment... This stuff is utterly useless junk.

The Giant and Me

I wonder why anyone invented Corners. Or the word Corner. I mean... Why not have everything be round... Or just... Not have Corners...? Which would make it round, right?

In other news, I Public Spoke today.
I wasn't all that great.
But I believed in what I was saying. I really did.

I think imagination is so Important. Almost more important than most everything else. Obviously not absolutely everything because that's silly.
But it's more important than Maths and Science... Well, sort of. The knowledge of them anyway. But honestly, how do people discover or invent things without an Imagination? They don't.

On a Train to Memphis

It's curious, the fact that we need oxygen to breathe. I mean, it's not scientifically curious... More theologically so. Why did God choose to make oxygen the substance we need for our bodies to run. And how come we make a bad substance when we're breathing out? Why can't it be a good substance?
I suppose it's all in God's hands.
It's curious though, to try and analyse the reasons for God's choices.

I was actually just thinking about it because my eyes were hurting, 'cause they haven't had any oxygen today.

I wonder where we get our fingernails from? I mean, they say most physical features or aspects are genetic, but what about your fingernails?

Blue Roses for a Red Lady

"It's just another day, nothing in my way. I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay, so there's nothing left to say."

"For a lonely soul it seems to me that you're having such a nice time."

Well...

It's just another day. It's not as if it's unusual. Happens every other day.
Nothing in my way. Not really. I mean, Life's pretty good. I just complain all the time.

I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay, I don't wanna do anything.
For a "lonely soul" it seems to me that you're having such a nice time. I guess I am, even though I don't think so sometimes. Moping about in my way. Maybe I should stop complaining and just admit that I have a good Life, great Friends, an amazing Family. All of that. And more.
What do boys matter? Really?
...so there's nothing left to say.

Red Hair and Dice

Maybe I'm inadequate...

But probably not. I mean, look, it's not as if they can help it. And neither can I.

I love Christmas time. I wish it was July. My birthday's in less than a month.
I need to start planning my birthday party.
Yep.


You know, on a completely different topic, everything depends on something... Ever noticed that?